I Am Who I Am In Christ

By: Erlinda Mejia-Olson

GALATIANS 2:20 ~ "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

GALATIANS 6:14 ~ "But God forbid that I should boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world."

I found myself apologizing quite often for being this changed person. In Jesus Christ. That I am. I don't intend to daunt people.  It sounds awful, smug, and haughty.  It is definitely not the heart I want.

She sat across from me, arms resting comfortably on the table. My mother was listening with a worried look on her face at what I was doing. I was down-playing who I am.  Hesitant  to embrace the success that God has given me.

"That is disheartening" she said. "It burdens me that you are reluctant to journey confidently in the ‘works’ that God is calling you to do ... in the way He made you." ... "You seemed to be more concerned about what others will think or say, that you will demean who you are in the LORD."

My mother is telling me things I already know. Things I try to hold back.  But I don't want to come across as conceited.  Prideful.  Even as I say it—it brings back past memories.

I want to shout this out at the top of my lungs, "I am NOT perfect, nor do I claim to be". I said this pretty much, "I am not above correction ... I am not above discipline ... I am not above anything ... I am not above anyone".

I  long to be accepted for who I am in Christ.  Not for the things I do nor for the things I possess.  Not even for the titles I have held and accomplished in the past.  I am more than a wife, a mother-aunt, a sister, a housekeeper, a cook, a blogger, a friend, a servant.  Though I give all those things with my best effort, I know I am far from being perfect or having it "all knit together".  A cleaned floor and a sumptuous meal—does not imply I am something special. A shimmering toilet and a themed birthday party—does not imply I am without flaws.  An organized bookshelf and a weeded garden—does not imply I am always exultant. Organization does not equal Perfection.  I say, I am an "open book" to those who take the time to know the real me. Beneath all the ‘stuff’ I do, I just am. A worm. A speck of dust.

… in God's vast universe, we are just like a 'speck of dust'. And, it is amazing that God loves us through Christ Jesus, our Lord and Savior! …

The reality is, it is easier for people to "think" or "assume" to know someone, than to truly know them. We make our judgments. State our opinions. Take no time. Draw conclusion.

My mother looked me straight in the eye, "I want you to remember this, you need to STOP apologizing for being you".  Persistently she continued on.  Clearing up that people's assumptions of me can not be controlled.  Not by me, anyway.  What others think-judge-assume about me, are their own insecurities. Verbalized.

Enfolded her words in love, my mother gave me a gift—Permission.

I know I will make mistakes.  I will fail again.  I do not claim I have this life carved out, pieced all together, or all my ducks lined-up in a row.  I am just simply Erlinda.  I am learning, I am being molded, day by day—in CHRIST JESUS, my God and my Savior. 

I want others to know I am deeper than the surface of what you see, but I am who I am in Christ, and I am not afraid to stand for my faith.  I give things my best effort—100% most of the time according to the grace He bestows upon me.  I am Transparent. Passionate.  Driven by faith in Christ and in Him alone. Organized.  Goal-orientated.  A lover and a servant of Jesus Christ.  I see life beyond surface experience.  I am one who likes to do all things with excellence because I want to glorify  above all, Jesus Christ—my All in All, in whose strength I totally depend upon (Philippians 4:13).  To obey His Word, His commandments.  To build others up.  

"You shall walk after the LORD your God and fear Him, and keep His commandments and obey His voice; you shall serve Him and hold fast to Him." (Deuteronomy 13:4)

Is that wrong?  It is not meant to intimidate nor provoke anyone—not intentionally anyway. That is how God molded me. Who constantly changing me for His good pleasure, to be transformed  according to the image of His Son Jesus Christ.

Can I embrace it without an apology, or having to list my failures along side my successes?

I will make no apology.  Perhaps not today.  I am who I am in Christ.  To Him be all the glory and honor.