Can Love Ever Fail?

By: Revive Our Hearts Ministry
     (via INTO THE LIGHT Journal)

1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-7 ~ "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

A New England girl had just become engaged when the Civil War broke out. Her fiancé was called into the army, so their wedding plans had to be postponed. The young soldier managed to get through most of conflict without getting hurt, but at the Battle of the Wilderness he was severely wounded. His fiancé—his bride-to-be—not knowing of his condition, read and reread his letters. She was counting the days until he would return and they could be married.

Suddenly the letters stopped coming. Finally she received one, but this one was written in handwriting she didn't recognize. Here's what it said:

"There's been another terrible battle. It's very difficult for me to tell you this, but I've lost both my arms. I cannot write myself, so a friend is writing this letter for me. While you are as dear to me as ever, I feel I should release you from the obligation of our engagement."

The letter was never answered.  Instead, the woman took the next train and went directly to the place where her loved one was being cared for. When she arrived, she found a captain who gave her directions to her soldier's cot. Tearfully she went searching for him. The moment she saw the young man, she threw her arms around his neck. She kissed him, and she said, "I will never give you up. These hands of mine will help you. I will take care of you."

Early in a relationship most couples experience strong romantic emotions. But what happens when the feelings change? Does it mean that love has failed?

We're talking about those final four qualities of love in 1 Corinthians 13. Love bears all things. Love believes all things. Love hopes all things, and love endures all things (see verse 7). We want to look at what it means to believe all things, to hope all things, and to endure all things. These qualities don't mean that love is gullible or that it's undiscerning when we say that love believes all things. We mean rather that love is trusting. Love is not suspicious. It's not cynical; it gives people the benefit of the doubt. It makes allowance for their failure.

In Jesus' day, the scribes and the Pharisees were considered the most religious people of their day—they were considered the spiritual giants—but they knew nothing of love. One of the characteristics of their selfish, proud, unloving lifestyle was they tended to see the worst in others. They didn't have the kind of love that believes the best. Hatred believes the worst about someone. When someone comes to you and tells you a story about someone else—and you're shocked—is your first reaction to think, "Oh, so-and-so would never do that!" Or is your first inclination to think, "Yeah, I'm not surprised they did that!"

A loving heart will assume the best—see and believe the best. A loving heart will see others through God's eyes. It's not that the people around us are all perfect, that there's nothing sinful in them that we should be concerned about. It's just that we want to believe the best wherever possible about the people God has put around us. Let's continue our little test here. Do you assume positively about people? Until it's been proven that they did wrong, do you assume positively?

Do you give people the benefit of the doubt? Do you tend to assume negatively about people's motives? The fact is, we don't know people's motives. It's the pride of our hearts that causes us—rather than building them up—to assume negatively on them. Are you quick to jump to conclusions before getting all the facts? That's not a loving way to live. Love will say, "Let me hear the whole story." Proverbs says it's foolishness to answer a matter before we've heard it. So many of us as women—I find myself so prone at times to jump to a conclusion when I just hear the first fact of the story without taking time to love someone enough to listen to the whole story.

Are you generally suspicious of people, or are you generally trusting of people? Not because people are all that trustworthy—none of us is really trustworthy. But because you can see people through the eyes of God's love and God's grace, "love believes all things."

"Love hopes all things." Love anticipates and seeks the best in others. It never gives up. Is there someone you've given up on? Maybe it's your husband. Maybe it's your boss. Maybe it's that grown son or daughter who's hurt you so deeply. Maybe it's that person you work with. Maybe it's somebody you work with at church, and you think that person will just never be any different. "Love hopes all things." Love keeps on hoping. God can change that person's heart, and love prays for it and believes for it and works for it.

Just as long as God is God, God has grace. And as long as God has grace, human failure is never final. Maybe there's someone in your church who has really fallen. Maybe they've even been disciplined for their error as an unrepentant member of the church—and that's right to do. But in the midst of that discipline, in the midst of dealing with that unrepentant brother or sister, do you hold on to hope that God can (and you pray that God will) change the heart of that person and bring them to repentance?

The apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:16 that we refuse to look at people as they are in the flesh. People are fallen; they are sinful. They do sinful things. Some people are evil, but Paul says we don't know any man according to what he is in the flesh. Why? The very next verse, 2 Corinthians 5:17: "If any man is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new".

Paul is saying, " I'm not going to look at somebody as what he is apart from Christ. " I'm going to look at that mate, that son, that daughter, that former friend, that ex-mate, that step-parent, that person who wounded me so deeply—I’m going to look at that person as what they could be in Christ." That's love. There's such a power when you communicate that kind of love and that kind of hope. Some of your children may have been really worn down by others around them who put them down, who don't hope in them, who don't believe in them, who don't really express love.

I'm so thankful for a dad in particular who had such a belief in the power of God in his children's lives. I grew up living in that atmosphere of hope. I still had to make choices; my dad couldn't do it for me. But how I thank the Lord for the love of parents who do hope. My mother—living still today, who believes in the power of God's grace in my life—prays for me and believes that God will bless me. "Love hopes all things."

"Love endures all things." The picture here is of a sentry or sentinel, and he refuses to leave his post, even when the attack of the enemy comes up against him. Love has the determination to press on even when the circumstances seem absolutely hopeless. When you're facing insurmountable obstacles, love refuses to quit. It's willing to be patient and tough against the storms of life. Nowhere is this more important than in our homes—to stand for your marriage, to stand for your children and their walk with God, to believe God to win the victory in their lives. "Love endures all things."

So when the circumstances in your home, or in your workplace, or in your circle wherever you are, when the circumstances become unbearable—love won't quit. It endures when anything less than love would give up.

For those of you who are married, love means the willingness to endure in keeping those vows that you made—to love in sickness and in health.

You promised to love for better or for worse. Maybe you're thinking, "I didn't know how bad "worse" could be." It could be worse, but you vowed to have a love that will endure. For many that means the willingness to stay in a difficult marriage because your vow is ultimately to God. How important it is in that marriage that you demonstrate the covenant keeping, enduring love of God—God whose love never fails. Even when we are spiritually idolatrous or adulterous, God is faithful to His promise.

"Love believes all things. It hopes all things. It endures all things."

1 Corinthians 14:1, "Therefore pursue love." We need first to acknowledge to God that we aren't lovers, that our love is very human and fragile, that it has failed, that we have not loved people in the way that God has loved us. We need to acknowledge to God, "I've not had the kind of love that's patient and that is kind. I'm envious and jealous. I brag. I am arrogant. I do act unbecomingly. I haven't had the kind of love that bears all things and believes all things and hopes all things and endures all things."

You and I need to repent. It's an old-fashioned word, but it's so needed today—repent of our lovelessness because we'll never have God's grace to love unless we repent of the fact that we have not loved. We need to repent of loveless religion. By the way, what a turn-off that is to the world. We need to repent of loveless relationships. We need to repent of loveless service for God, thinking we were doing so much for Him when it was not love behind it.

You say, "But you don't know what that person did to me." Maybe that person wasn't loving—was your response loving? You say, "Oh, that person made themself my enemy." Well, Jesus said, "Love your enemies." Some of you may need to repent that it was your lack of love that caused that argument this morning with your teenager before you left to come here.

Some of you may need to say, "Oh God, it's my lack of love that causes me to keep others at arms length and keeps me from getting close to others." "It's my lack of love that keeps me from being able to pick up the phone and call my parents." Selfishness and pride will blame the other person, but humility says, "Oh, Lord, it's me! I haven't loved that person as I ought." That's not saying it was your failure that is the only reason that marriage broke up, but God will never hold you accountable for what your ex-mate or your parents or a step-parent or a son or daughter did to wrong you. He does hold you responsible for how you responded. We cannot repent over the sins of others, but we can repent over our own sins.

But I have to say, if you want to become a lover, if you want to love with the love of Christ, then first of all we've got to be willing to agree with God about our lovelessness. Then we can receive His grace, His forgiveness, His cleansing. Then we can go to the only source of true love—God Himself—and ask Him by faith to fill us with His love. The love of Christ is the fruit of the Spirit; and when we're filled with the Spirit of God, we will love. It won't be our love; it'll be God's love flowing through us.

We have a source of love flowing in us, the love of God that loved us when we were enemies of God, when we were far from God. He has poured out His love into us. When we love others, we're just letting God's love overflow through us into the lives of others. Amy Carmichael said:I don't know what's happened between you and your mate, or between you and a parent, or between you and a child. But I do know that if you are a child of God, you can learn to love that person with the love of God. That love of God may be exactly what is needed to tear down those walls and those barriers.If you have God's love in you, that love will never fail. There's nothing more powerful than love. The love of God can melt the most calloused heart.

"... There is no need to plead that the love of God shall fill our heart as though He was unwilling to fill us; He is as willing, as light is willing to flood a room that is open to its brightness; willing as water is willing to flow into an emptied channel. Love is pressing around us on all sides like air. Cease to resist, and instantly love takes possession ... As His abundance of pardon passes our power to tell it, so does His abundance of love: it is as far as the east is from the west, as high as heaven is above the earth. (This) is the great, great love of God..."

The love of God flowing through us can heal hearts, can redeem families. It can restore churches. It can rebuild a nation. Dr. Karl Menninger was a psychiatrist and the founder of the famous Menninger clinic. He said, "Love is the medicine that our sick, old world needs. If people can learn to give and receive love, they will usually recover from their physical or mental illness."

So, can love ever fail? Not the REAL kind..."love never fails." (1 Cor. 13:8a). "And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13).  LOVE is powerful!